The whole month of November I watched people post on my facebook what they are thankful for. I didn't post 1 thankful thought. There are many things I'm thankful for but in the same hand there are many things I'm not. I am thankful for my kids, my parents, my brother, my grandma and of course all the other friends and family I have in my life. But I am not thankful for the amount of shit that continues to get piled on our plates day after day after day - and were not talkin food. As I looked through all the pictures I took during our Thanksgiving feast instead of feeling joy that the whole family could be together I felt pain. Pain in my heart. So much has changed in the last couple months. I noticed that my dads color has changed and he now has a neck. No typo a "neck". Dad has been pretty big for quite some time and his neck disappeared. Not anymore, he has the look. The look of someone that is sick. Pasty/chalky skin color with a tinge of yellow. Next holiday Christmas, not sure I even want to take pictures.
Dad is now done with all of his radiation treatments. On December 15th the chemo will be begin. For those of you that do not have access to my facebook, dad had a new x-ray taken of his broken arm. Hoping it was healing was so far off from what it was actually doing. I can honestly say the break is gone. The radiation has done it's job in his arm for sure. It killed all the bad cells that caused the break in the first place. But while it killed the bad cells it also killed the healthy one along with the bone. He now has a plate attached almost nothing. The radiation ate the bone so now there is a big empty hole where bone should be. Below is his x-ray.....
Very cool for the kinds of people that like this kinda stuff (me for 1) and a bit disturbing for those that don't like it. Sorry.
Dad has still been having a lot of pain in his hip. X-rays were taken on those as well. No problems seen in the hip bones. As for why he hurts so bad we don't know, we just figure it's the cancer talkin. I will continue to keep everyone updated. Post are becoming more spread out because no one wants to hear "today was a good day" or "today was a bad day" I much rather say a bunch of things in 1 post rather than nothing in a lot.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
It Could Always Be Worse
Life has began to take on a fast forward slow motion feel. Everything seems to happen so fast but slow enough to take in each breath. This has been one of the worst weeks. I have found that when you love somebody you will do everything in your power to help them, comfort them, and just be there for them. I watched a family pull together, lean on each other, love each other, cry with each other, and always worry about each other without worrying about themselves. No matter what life throws at us it could always be worse. People ask me all the time "how are you doing?" Honestly, I'm just me. Some days are good some days are bad, but just like everyone else when I fall I get up brush myself off and continue on. Dad is a strong strong person, not just mentally but physically. If I had to pick a hero, it would be him hands down. He can be an ass, a comedian, a dork, a friend, a dad, a confidant, and a sounding board all in one. In my world what more can you ask for.
Treatments are moving along as scheduled. He finished up his last treatment on the esophagus and hips today. He will still be sore for a few days but by day 10 (Thanksgiving) his swallowing should become much easier. Radiation will continue on his bones until Nov. 23 being his last day. Tomorrow he will have his port put in. We thought it would be the 17th but guess not. December 15 we will meet with the oncologist and get chemo started. Dad will have a choice to make 1 big horse pill a day or 1 IV treatment a week. The chemo he will be starting has a very good tolerance for patients. Maybe a little nausea but that's it. It will help minimize pain and discomfort. It's all about the quality of life. Without any treatment were looking at 1-2 months with treatment it's doubled. Everything is assumptions could be longer could be shorter. Only god know. As of the doctor's scales dad has currently lost 10 lbs since Oct. 25th. You can tell he is losing - the big belly isn't as big anymore.
Treatments are moving along as scheduled. He finished up his last treatment on the esophagus and hips today. He will still be sore for a few days but by day 10 (Thanksgiving) his swallowing should become much easier. Radiation will continue on his bones until Nov. 23 being his last day. Tomorrow he will have his port put in. We thought it would be the 17th but guess not. December 15 we will meet with the oncologist and get chemo started. Dad will have a choice to make 1 big horse pill a day or 1 IV treatment a week. The chemo he will be starting has a very good tolerance for patients. Maybe a little nausea but that's it. It will help minimize pain and discomfort. It's all about the quality of life. Without any treatment were looking at 1-2 months with treatment it's doubled. Everything is assumptions could be longer could be shorter. Only god know. As of the doctor's scales dad has currently lost 10 lbs since Oct. 25th. You can tell he is losing - the big belly isn't as big anymore.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
It has been awhile since I have made a post. Only because there was not a lot to report. Dad has been going through his radiation treatments in Wenatchee. Mom and dad decided it would be easier to just stay down there instead of driving back and forth everyday. It's good for them. They need this time together. It has gave them plenty of quite time to talk and discuss options they will be faced with. None of us want to look towards the future only to find dad being the one that sees the light. It has been just over 1 month since his diagnoses. I never thought about it until I threw my feelings out on paper that within 1 month dad has went from having a little discomfort when he swallows to pain everywhere in his body, pain so bad that he can barely walk. In one month he has went from Tylenol to Morphine. They have a couple more weeks of radiation ahead of them. The techs have really been focusing on both hips and the esophagus. It has really been taking a toll on him physically. He feels drained 98% of the day. On November 17 he goes in to have a port placed (a small medical appliance that is installed beneath the skin. A catheter connects the port to a vein. Under the skin, the port has a septum through which drugs can be injected and blood samples can be drawn many times, usually with less discomfort for the patient than a more typical "needle stick".) This will help when he is able to start the Chemo. Things seem to be moving at an unmeasurable amount of speed. I will continue to keep you updated as time goes on.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
No time for regrets
As the days trickle by I find myself really stepping back and looking at life as a whole. We live our busy lives not really ever thinking that it could change in the blink of an eye. Our subconscious knows this can happen but we never quite get a grasp on it until it is thrown right at us. I go and sit with my parents and find myself getting angry. I know this is my defense mechanism because that's the kind of person I am. But I wonder why, why are you guys just sitting around. I feel like my mom should be doing all the research she can get her hands on, and I think my dad should act like he cares more. But in all reality this this their defense mechanism. Mom carries the look of stress while dad carries the what do you want me to do attitude. I know deep down that mom is stressed, and she does just sit there. But she sits there with dad and that's all that matters. Whether she is watching him watch TV or she is listening to him sleep, she is with him taking in every ounce of him. So for me to get angry - well that's just dumb. You should live every minute like it is your last because there is no time for regrets.
Mom and dad are in Wenatchee right now. He had a radiation treatment yesterday and met with the surgeon that will be placing his port for Chemo. As of right now he is looking at more than 15 treatments of radiation before the Chemo can start. I believe he will then have to wait 1-2 weeks before Chemo can get started. I can't help to think if the chemo is gonna be worth it. My heart says to do everything you can, but my mind says "get real, stop being so selfish". It's not my call either way. What I do know for a fact is that no matter what I will be there. I will fight his fight with him and then fight a little more.
Mom and dad are in Wenatchee right now. He had a radiation treatment yesterday and met with the surgeon that will be placing his port for Chemo. As of right now he is looking at more than 15 treatments of radiation before the Chemo can start. I believe he will then have to wait 1-2 weeks before Chemo can get started. I can't help to think if the chemo is gonna be worth it. My heart says to do everything you can, but my mind says "get real, stop being so selfish". It's not my call either way. What I do know for a fact is that no matter what I will be there. I will fight his fight with him and then fight a little more.
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