As the days trickle by I find myself really stepping back and looking at life as a whole. We live our busy lives not really ever thinking that it could change in the blink of an eye. Our subconscious knows this can happen but we never quite get a grasp on it until it is thrown right at us. I go and sit with my parents and find myself getting angry. I know this is my defense mechanism because that's the kind of person I am. But I wonder why, why are you guys just sitting around. I feel like my mom should be doing all the research she can get her hands on, and I think my dad should act like he cares more. But in all reality this this their defense mechanism. Mom carries the look of stress while dad carries the what do you want me to do attitude. I know deep down that mom is stressed, and she does just sit there. But she sits there with dad and that's all that matters. Whether she is watching him watch TV or she is listening to him sleep, she is with him taking in every ounce of him. So for me to get angry - well that's just dumb. You should live every minute like it is your last because there is no time for regrets.
Mom and dad are in Wenatchee right now. He had a radiation treatment yesterday and met with the surgeon that will be placing his port for Chemo. As of right now he is looking at more than 15 treatments of radiation before the Chemo can start. I believe he will then have to wait 1-2 weeks before Chemo can get started. I can't help to think if the chemo is gonna be worth it. My heart says to do everything you can, but my mind says "get real, stop being so selfish". It's not my call either way. What I do know for a fact is that no matter what I will be there. I will fight his fight with him and then fight a little more.
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